Kissing Strangers

It seems that manners are so passée to a great many people. Call me old fashioned, but I like to say thank you. I like to acknowledge the niceties that others do for me with a heart felt thank you (thank you for reading this).

Even if someone does me wrong, if they correct their error, I’ll still reward them with a big ol’ thank you — a thank you for realizing the mistake and a thank you for making it right… (hey, it takes a lot of strength to humble oneself and admit to being wrong)

Believe it or not, thank you’s make people feel good. It makes them feel acknowledged and accepted. Not saying thank you (especially when the person is truly deserving of it) can make a person feel rejected and ignored.

So I ask you wonderful folks – do you remember to say thank you? Who do you need to say thank you to and why haven’t you said it yet?

this blog is fairly new (started just this week), however, I’ve been blogging for a while now — so I have some friendly blog advice for all of you:

make sure you don’t say anything about anyone that you wouldn’t say to their face – it will inevitably get back to them and in a “not so pleasant, you bet your life is ruined, and it sure as hell means you need to padlock your blog” kind of way.

take from this what you will.

so, we’ve already established that manipulation is sweet and covered the 3 basic steps of manipulation, it’s only reasonable that an example should follow.

scenario: the beau of the moment has just presented you with a beautiful new dress as an “I am totally enchanted by you” gift.

let the manipulation begin:
since he’s human and most likely in the 99% that caters to ego, stroke it a bit for him — get more stuff.

“oh beau of the moment, this is absolutely gorgeous, I love it. how did you become so wonderful? oh, I just had a thought – I just saw a pair of shoes the other day that would go absolutely perfect with this dress – of course, it’s not a big deal and I don’t really need them, but I just wanted to let you know how much I loved this dress and can’t wait to wear it. you really are so wonderful.”

you should have a new pair of shoes matching the dress within 72 hours (assuming you subtly slipped him the necessary info to find the shoes between the compliments you were pouring over him like honey).

“oh beau of the moment, you got me the shoes too?!? you really didn’t have to, but I absolutely love them. they are great. you are great. they will go so well with these new earrings i’ve been eyeing for a few weeks now, now I just need to find a way to get them, but it’s no big deal, the dress and shoes are amazing. did I already tell you how amazing you are? well you are.”

don’t be overly surprised if you should receive a pair of earrings which match the dress and shoes stunningly (it is, however, highly recommended that you feign surprise so he doesn’t catch on).

of course, this is an oversimplified example of the art of manipulation – the premise remains the same. stroke the ego while leaving subtle cues. I don’t recommend doing a continual manipulation loop either, that is a sure fire way to get burned — badly. and of course, this technique can also be applied to varying situations.

this is not only a tip for the ladies, but the men also — don’t be egotistical.

oh yes, manipulation is sweet.

First rule: know that the person you want to manipulate is human.
Second rule: know that humans have egos and 99% of them cater to ego.
Third (and final) rule: cater to that ego – get what you want.

…and you didn’t even have to spend $15 on a book to tell you that.

Now, use this information wisely and do not forget about that whole – karma is a bitch thing…

Tell him you’re going to have a night out with the girls and give him the “you know we’ll most likely be talking about the size of your penis behind your back” look.

Ladies: that is my friendly tip of the day.

It is our birthright to know what goes on in the lives of everyone else on this planet, isn’t it? So why do people get so mad when they find you staked out behind their house with super zoom night vision goggles snapping away with a high powered digital camera?

While I won’t admit to being the person with the super zoom night vision goggles, I will say that I know a few of them, and let me tell you — folks are not as friendly as they used to be. I remember a time when a girl could be stalked in peace, now it’s a restraining order here and a restraining order there.

I mean c’mon people, curiosity is human nature and there’s no circumventing it, so just accept that you have no privacy and there’s probably someone lurking in the bushes outside your window watching you surf the internet right now.

I have. But, I’ve adopted the more old fashioned ‘ask me and I’ll answer’ philosophy…so, if at any time you have a question, ask me and I’ll answer (be forewarned, ‘none of your business’ is a valid answer).

There just seems to be something really off with having a guy, other than the beau of the moment, poking around my stash with a cold metal object hoping to find something (pot of gold maybe?).

Why do men even become gynecologists? Are they that enamored by female genitalia that they want to stare at it all day everyday? And what about the wife? Would it dry up from neglect. I would assume that by the time he’s worked his way to his significant other’s hooch he’d be at the edge of the ‘if I see another vagina, I’m going to ________” cliff.

Yes, those are my deep thoughts for the morning. Now it’s time for me to actually go do stuff.

So, despite my haphazardly guessing at the answers to this quiz, apparently I’m dyke-savvy.

dyke-savvy
you are 64 % dyke-o-licious!

congrats! you are what some people might refer to as a ‘metro-sexual’, being obviously more well-read in lesbian culture than the average bloke. if you are a girl, you probably wear a lot of hoodies, bandanas, and the occasional pair of baggy cargo pants. you are either lesbian/bisexual, or you are often mistaken for one. if you are straight, you have a lot of dyke friends, who undoubtedly have crushes on you because you are familiar with their culture while simultaneously representing a challenge. if you are a dude, you are an exceptionally cool dude by my standards, and you very well could be bisexual or gay. in any case, may you always be blessed with the good favor of dyke-goddess artemis and her troop of scantily-clad, sexy lil’ nymphs.

I chalk it up to that one time I kissed a girl while drunk, then later found out she was really a lesbian. I have Starr to thank for pointing me in the direction of this quiz.

I probably should put something profound in here because it’s technically the first post on this blog, but I’ve got nothing.

This is just a place for me to vent online without censorship – yep, you’re getting the pure unadulterated thoughts here folks, it may not always be pretty or yummy though, so brace yourself.

I may come back here and fix up this post if I feel inspired, but for now, this is it.